Yes, I'll have a shutdown with a side of self-loathing please... and a coke.

So in an earlier post I talked a bit about overstimulation and how to try to avoid it if at all possible, but what happens if you can't avoid it? Consequences my friend, consequences.

Aspies, and autistic people in general, usually respond in one of two ways. We're either going to meltdown, or shutdown. Let me explain the difference between the two.

Meltdowns are hard, especially if you're a parent or loved-one trying to deal with it. For people who don't know much about autism, they can look a lot like a temper tantrum, but there's actually a big difference between the two. 

A temper tantrum is very straightforward. A person does not get his or her own way and, as my grandma would say, "pitches a fit." This is not to discount the temper tantrum. They are not fun for anyone.

Tantrums have several qualities that distinguish them from meltdowns.
* A person having a tantrum will look occasionally to see if his or her behavior is getting a reaction.
* A person in the middle of a tantrum will take precautions to be sure they won't get hurt.
* A person who throws a tantrum will attempt to use the social situation to his or her benefit.
* When the situation is resolved, the tantrum will end as suddenly as it began.
* A tantrum will give you the feeling that the person is in control, although he would like you to think he is not.
* A tantrum is thrown to achieve a specific goal and once the goal is met, things return to normal.

However, if the tantrum is straightforward, the meltdown is every known form of manipulation, anger, and loss of control that the person can muster up to demonstrate. The problem is that the loss of control soon overtakes the person. He needs you to recognize this behavior and rein him back in, as he is unable to do so. A person with autism in the middle of a meltdown desperately needs help to gain control.
* During a meltdown, a person with autism does not look, nor care, if those around him are reacting to his behavior.
* A person in the middle of a meltdown does not consider her own safety.
* A person in a meltdown has no interest or involvement in the social situation. 
* Meltdowns will usually continue as though they are moving under their own power and wind down slowly.
* A meltdown conveys the feeling that no one is in control.
* A meltdown usually occurs because a specific want has not been permitted and after that point has been reached, nothing can satisfy the person until the situation is over.

Its been my experience that most autistic people who experience meltdowns are younger, usually a child or a teen, and that most older autistic people, especially Aspies, experience the second form of overstimulation response, the shutdown. While a meltdown could be described as rage against a situation, a meltdown tends to be more of a retreat. Behaviors which manifest during a shutdown include rolling oneself into a ball or fetal position, crawling under objects or lying face down or completely under the covers on a bed. Eye contact avoidance tends to increase significantly during a shutdown and conversation is non-existent. As with meltdowns, in a shutdown situation, the person may act irrationally or dangerously. Unlike a meltdown however, the harmful activities are almost always directed at oneself. The person may attempt self harm and may even be suicidal. They may be more likely to take reckless risks such as walking along a busy road on a dark/rainy night.

As with meltdowns, the cause of a shutdown tends to be cumulative and the trigger may bear little resemblance to the actual problem. The real problems associated with shutdowns tend to lean towards depression, loneliness poor self image and poor self worth.

In a small child, a shutdown may be triggered because of a simple breakfast issue (perhaps they were given something they don't like). In this case, the cause may actually have nothing to do with breakfast at all but rather it may be symptomatic of the child's frustration at not being able to make herself understood. In an adult however, shutdowns can result from extreme events such as losing a job or a marriage break-up but they can also have very small triggers which simply "remind" an Aspie of a larger pain. Perhaps a small incident at work could provoke some long term insecurities and cause a retreat.

For me, a shutdown will move my pain to the center of my focus and I'll start thinking "what if" and "if only" scenarios. These are always counter-productive because you can't change the past and they usually only make me feel entrapped by events. I'm not so much of a fetal position person but I do tend to "check out." During a shutdown, I generally don't have any contact with anyone if I can help it and become extremely introverted. I sometimes think of it a bit like a turtle shell that I crawl into (unwillingly.)

As a child I'd often try pathetic ways of harm, like holding my breath or strangling myself. Note that I didn't do this as attention-seeking behavior but instead would attempt it unannounced and in solitude. I'd also attempt self harm but usually only by banging my head or pummeling myself with my fists. I know quite a few Aspies who have, and in many cases continue to, self harm using sharp instruments. As a parent or friend, you need to keep a close eye on these situations.

Like all Aspergers things, there's not really a cure however self-respect goes a long way towards prevention. If you have children, it's very important to counter any negative messages they're receiving from others. If those negative messages are coming from teachers or family, then you may need to get involved yourself.

Unlike meltdowns, where it's best to leave the Aspie alone but in a safe place, it's generally okay to talk in a soothing voice during a shutdown. Just make sure that you're careful what you say and keep things positive. The only thing to remember when soothing during a shutdown is that you're still dealing with a person on the spectrum. Don't try to force eye contact and don't touch without either being invited or being cautious to see the reaction first. Also unlike meltdowns, which tend to last a few minutes or in extreme cases, an hour or two, shutdowns can last days, or weeks. If left to their own devices, it can quickly become a vicious downward spiral for many Aspies leading into depression, and triggering shutdowns more often, and then, ya know, wash, rinse, repeat.