Being an Aspie is a lot like being an alien. You constantly yearn for your home planet, all the while looking around you and wondering how the hell you got here and what is wrong with these people.
I had always had this feeling, even as a kid. My teachers said I was a daydreamer, the kids just thought I was weird, and my parents thought I was antisocial. Truth is, I'm just as Aspie! Of course, at the time, I didn't know it, and neither did anyone else. I was just that picky kid with odd social tendencies and a big fat chip on each shoulder. I hadn't even heard of Asperger's until my late 20's and believe you-me, it was a hard pill to swallow.
"I'm Autistic? That can't be right... I'm made wrong? I'm not normal? I'm defunct?"
This was my initial reaction. Now, before you go getting your Aspie-panties (Aspiantes? Aspanties?) all in a twist, you've got to think for a second. This is what Autism looked like to someone uninformed and uneducated on the subject. I had no idea that Autistic people could talk! I never dreamed that I could be Autistic! But there I was, looking straight down the barrel of the truth, and it was locked and loaded, ready to blow away all my incorrect misconceptions.
Now, go back a few years when my wife was ready to divorce me. I never interacted with her in a way that met her needs (again, we didn't know why yet.) It was a tough road and after a 10 minute visit with a shrink he said I had ADD. Well, partially true I guess. I'm sure I do have ADD, buts its a side-car symptom if you will to the Aspergers that he DIDN'T catch. Either way it was an answer to my behavior, right? So I spent the next few years all jacked up on Ritalin and Adderall, happy for the corrections it gave me at work, but it didn't fix everything. I still always felt off, and I still wasn't 'social' like my wife is. I was better, but I wasn't "correct," and it certainly wasn't worth the cost of the side-effects.
Flash forward and I hear about this thing called Asperger's Syndrome. What? What is this? High functioning Autism? What the hell is that? Wait... this sounds like me! And this! And this! I need to talk to my doctor...
So I did. And she agreed. And we tested. And I "passed." So there I was. Autistic. At 29 years old, I find out I'm Autistic. All that wondering, all those problems that couldn't be explained, or were wrongfully explained. Even my wife told me a year or so later she felt bad about all the times she pressured me into social situations or thought I just didn't want to spend time with her because she just didn't know. That was the crux if it though, we just didn't know! So I spent countless hours reading about it. I would read some of the medical stuff but to me it was the first hand accounts that were the most valuable. It was nice to know that I really wasn't alone.
So, I guess that's what this blog aims to be. I hope maybe someone like me comes along and reads this and says, "Wow. I'm not alone. I feel better now." I could give you the whole story now, but that wouldn't really leave room for future posts now, would it? ;-)
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